So did these 10 conclusions:
1. I have a love/hate relationship with this holiday. I love the spirit but hate running around after my kids essentially making sure they don’t get run over.
2. I’m aging- a kindergartner turned to me and asked – *Are you Jude’s grandma?* – NO! I’m not even in costume! My nightly eye cream regimen needs a STAT reconsideration.
3. I’m apologizing too much. I’m offering them for my children’s costumes. This year, my son was a wrestler, scary face mask and all. I felt the need to lift the mask up each time I’d run into fellow parents after seeing the look of horror on their faces – more to remind myself than them that there’s something cute underneath.
4. No, this is not a duplicate – apologizing too much. This time it’s for the boys taking 20+ full minutes choosing which free candy they actually want. At each and every stop. Or, worse, when they ask if there’s anything yummier.
5. The sugary goodies that nestle in my teeth as I drag behind the kids make up the equivalent of a 10-course dessert tasting menu. Tonight I floss.
6. My children will literally defend to the death a single piece of tootsie roll that falls out of their stash. They become ridiculously possessive, to the point of martyrdom, when it comes to the inappropriate placement of candy into someone else’s basket.. or into a mouth in which it doesn’t belong. TO THE DEATH.
7. The irony of my son filling up a sack full of candies in an hour’s worth of trick or treating – literally 10 pounds – but whining when asked to spend 10 minutes washing dishes on any given night as chore.
8. I need more excitement in life. Following my kids around, collecting treats, had me more social than I’ve been in about a year.
9. My son showed off his pickpocket skills – telling me of a candy or two swiped from another’s basket. We’ll be having a serious chat later, but for now, I’m laughing a little at the thought, and to myself. Just a little.
10. My budding entrepreneur is planning to sell his stash for profit. He carefully chronicled the entire line of collection: lining the junk up in rows by category, flavor and colors. See exhibit A below. Full-blown graphs and power points are a-brewing, and I’m thinking Ivy League may not be such a long shot after all.
Bonus conclusion: My family is single-handedly financing our dentist’s retirement fund. We received thank you cards yearly the day after Halloween and I finally get why.