Are 94 kisses at bedtime truly enough? Because it’s the number I doled out to my son, at bedtime, just the other night.
I ask because I truly want to know. Are 94 really enough?
Is there some kind of magic number that makes us one of those enough-of-a-parent? You know, the kind we all strive to be?
And when I ask this, I really mean it on a grander scale – like, on the big parenting scale on which we’re judged. Not by others, but rather, by ourselves.
Because no matter how much we give to my children, we always – ALWAYS – find ourselves questioning whether we could have done more.
I’m That Mom.
I’m a mom, and I’m certainly not a perfect one of those, at that. I’ll be the first to admit it.
My head has been wrapped up in my work as of late, as I try catching up on time I’ve spent away.
Confession: I haven’t paid much attention to my kids and their homework – half because I believe it teaches them independence and half because I just don’t have the time.. or even -*gasp* – the patience.
I snap at them.
I yell at them.
I argue with them.
In fact, earlier tonight, I marveled at the statement that came out of my middle one’s mouth.
“Mom said she’s coming!”
It wasn’t delivered in that warm and loving tone from those Disney movies where the mother is bringing in as in hot chocolate and hugs, but more like the kind where the villain approaches. More of the foreboding kind.
The she’s-gonna-get-you kind.
The “watch it!” kind.
The kind where the other end’s tail is meant to park itself between two legs.
The kind that warns of impending disaster.
The kind that basically tells you to run.
OMG. I’ve become that mom.I'm a #mom, and I'm certainly not a perfect one of those, at that. I'll be the first to admit it. Click To Tweet
Is It Just Me?
I think we’re really all that mom, though, when it comes down to it.
I realized it long ago; No one mom is perfect.
I learned it through a valuable real-life lesson, by becoming a different mom myself.
I lecture about it now, and speak to other working moms about the experience that I had. Not because I’ve figured out a way to be perfect, but because I figured out that I could never be. That no one can.
When it came to parenting, no one achieved perfection, whether it was feedback from my colleagues at my workplace, or stay-at-home moms from my ‘hood.
At least not in our minds.
By taking time away from work to connect with my children, I realized that we were all the same parents struggling just to survive.
Because.. Kids are tough.
Feeling the Pressure.
I learned that I wasn’t alone in feeling the pressure.
Many parents feel exactly the same way as I do.
In fact, what makes it even more interesting is just how healthy a good-enough mom mindset can be, all things considered.
Here’s what Psychology Today has to say on it:
“Good enough parents do not strive to be perfect parents and do not expect perfection from their children.”
I imagine this would result in a child that’s more good-natured and easy-going, which could theoretically lead to less stress and more success. The author of the article supports my conclusion, stating that:
“Children who feel secure in their relationship with their parents, who feel supported rather than controlled, who feel trusted and therefore trustworthy, and who have a good enough environment in which to play, explore, and learn (including plenty of opportunities to make friends and interact with others beyond the family), will be best able to chart their own satisfying futures.”
Here’s what I did learn from my time home versus my time back at work:
That there isn’t a ‘right‘ way to be mom.
That we each have our own way of being a good-enough mom.
That I needed to accept myself for all my flaws and imperfections.
That we’re all imperfect.
Even if we parent in the most lovingly patient way humanly possible, we’re still always going to question whether we’ve done things right.
And as much as they love us, our kids probably will, too, at one time or another (you know, the hormones and the rebellious ‘tude, especially when they enter their teens..).We're all imperfect. Even if we #parent in the most lovingly patient way humanly possible, we're still going to question whether we've done things right. & as much as they love us, our #kids probably will, too, at one time or another! Click To Tweet
I’ll always wonder whether 94 kisses were enough.
Because that number could have been 95, or 96.
.. maybe even 101!
But at the end of the day, no matter how many I give, it’s the smile I see on his face, as he dozes off the sleep that tells me I’m doing ok.